I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
