Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
