I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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