I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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