So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize