There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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