Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
