either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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