In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
false alarm. still invincible.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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