after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
