Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize