Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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