Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
