The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
