My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
