escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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