do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
