yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize