Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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