guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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