Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
