you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
