We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
