I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
