you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
did i walk over a car last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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