Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
