i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Enjoy the penises
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
