One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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