forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
