if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
