I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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