so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
