I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize