Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
