mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
