WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
