I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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