Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
