Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
