So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
