There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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