I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
