What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
