is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
