everyone is single if you try hard enough
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
