Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
