I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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