I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
