Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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