mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
