We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
