I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
