can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
