My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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