Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
