I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
