so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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