How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Less talking, more tequila
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize