Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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