when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
