I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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