Cold hands, warm shart.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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