There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He did a backflip because drugs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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