bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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