Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I believe in your delicious
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
