My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
