just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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