you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
