I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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