WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
